


Killing Fields

by versus_versus



Series: The Event Horizon of the Observable Universe [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emperor Hux, Grounding, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, a lot of bad things happen to them please let them have soft things too, kylo is a bamf, kylo isn't good at self care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 23:18:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8687422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versus_versus/pseuds/versus_versus
Summary: It doesn’t matter that he’s taken the throne, Hux still hates sending Kylo out into the field.The Force can be overwhelming at times. Kylo doesn’t always handle the repercussions well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Killing fields are the infinitesimal generators of isometries; that is, flows generated by Killing fields are continuous isometries of the manifold. More simply, the flow generates a symmetry, in the sense that moving each point on an object the same distance in the direction of the Killing vector field will not distort distances on the object.”

It started off simple, straightforward.

It was something off-kilter as Kylo looked up at him from where he knelt on the floor, moaning as though he were nothing but a backalley Coruscanti whore, jerking himself off as he focused the majority of his attention on Hux. It might have felt cheap, if only he weren’t so invested in, well…Kylo. His mouth’s plush velvet heat, his hair spilling over his neck like dripping ink, his eyes looking up and dragging him in, Kylo. _Kylo._

His name was a whimper as Hux came, more a prayer than anything else. What great cosmic being did the Emperor pray to? Kylo Ren, apparently.

When his senses returned, Hux found that Kylo had disappeared to the ‘fresher. It felt wrong somehow, and he took a slow breath before trying to determine how it felt off. An answer failed to come to him and he slipped away for a time, waking as Kylo climbed into bed.

“What’s wrong?”

Kylo shrugged, but remained silent. He pulled Hux into bed and ordered the lights down.

* * *

The dark of the night was strange, like a dejerik board with a pair of pieces in the wrong starting positions or the feeling of his datapad not where he left it. Kylo, who usually tucked himself under the blankets and turned away from Hux, was particularly clingy. Though there was no way to know what drove him, Kylo wrapped his arm about Hux’s ribs and curled around him, his other arm slipping under his neck.

Hux stilled, fearful as he realized that through the course of the latest campaign and Kylo’s longer absences, his body had grown unaccustomed to curling up in such a close semblance of intimacy.

“Relax.” Kylo mumbled into his neck. “I’m trying to relax, and it doesn’t help me if you’re tense.”

“What’s going on?”

Kylo heaved a breath. “Something feels wrong. I can’t place it, but something about this…the most recent assault, it feels wrong.” His voice was eerily low.

Hux pushed himself up, propping himself on his elbows to get a better look at Kylo. Ages ago, Kylo had made a rule not to talk about business, work, whatever they wanted to call it, in bed. If he was breaking his own rule, something was bothering him more than he was letting on. “What’s your take on it?”

“I’m not sure. I can’t get a clear reading.”

Hux frowned. “What are you saying? Do you think we should call it off?”

“No, we can’t afford to.” Kylo fell silent awhile. “It wouldn’t hurt to have additional safeguards in place, though.”

“Certainly. We’ll make arrangements in the morning.” Sleep returned uneasily, pressing darkness down into Hux’s mind until he gave in.

* * *

Sometime in the night, they shifted. Kylo’s arm was still wrapped behind his back. He opened his eyes to find Kylo lying still, his head atop the center of Kylo’s chest. He slowed his breaths down again, so not to wake Kylo up, but it was clear he was awake as one dark eye cracked open to look at him.

“You hum when you breathe.”

“Scar tissue.” Kylo looked at him, cynical. “Ever the romantic, aren’t you?”

“Not at all.” He tasted acid and wanted nothing more than for it to disappear again, back into the recesses of his memory. “Simply being honest.” Kylo shrugged and settled back down, but he was tense.

His discomfort, the strange distance in his eyes, somehow Hux should have known.

Kylo should have known.

It all should have been called off.

* * *

Kylo left the _Illuminator_ with his Knights on a shuttle the next day. They would have four days to secure a number of key points before the full scale assault, as they preferred. There were only so many of them, and on an open battlefield they weren’t able to work at their most efficient. It went against many of Hux’s personal preferences, but their technique had proven successful over and over. He justified it, telling himself it was no different than sending in a small special ops team. The Knights were just a bit more…eccentric in their methods.

Radio silence wasn’t unusual either. There were no updates from them, but that in itself wasn’t unusual. They had four days. Hux forced himself to let them do their thing, as they wanted. Kylo…he would trust Kylo with his life.

The one thing that perturbed him was the flashes of dreams he got, bits and pieces that seemed to filter through when he was asleep. He had long grown used to brief flashes of what Kylo experienced, it was part of being so close to a Force user. Still, waking on the second day to the unexpected stench of burning meat, the ash of the field, the metal taste of blood that echoed in his senses, was distracting and disturbing.

It wasn’t until he stepped into his ‘fresher the next evening that he realized the full extent of Kylo’s projecting as it spilled into his waking consciousness. Hux stepped into the shower, water, not sonic, and tried to let himself relax into the heat. It was impossible. Even as he closed his eyes, his mind went near-blank of responsibility and duty. Instead, it filled with the heavy brown and black crust of filth and blood he could feel washing from his hair, down his shoulders over the scar that skipped from his shoulder to his bicep… _no,_ _Kylo’s shoulders._

The screaming, the sounds of death he could hear were his own memories, memories of another campaign dulled by the transparasteel between his person and those falling to the flashing saber…a saber that was both on the other side of the transparasteel and in his hand. _The metal scent of blood on his hands rises, the reek of blood and the leather of his gloves sending him sky-high, as though he would never touch the ground again._

_He buries his face in one bloodied glove and breathes, smiles even as he feels the ground returning, a vicious weight deep within his chest. He might've been falling, but all he can hear is the screaming, raw and ripe in his ears this time, and the spit and sputter of a saber blade sliding through flesh._

Hux fell into bed with the taste of blood on his tongue.

* * *

The next day, he woke with a dry throat and the echoes of screams in a helmet. The projections continued throughout the day, flashing in and out of existence. There was no way Kylo ought to be able to pass such thoughts over the distance, but somehow they arrived in Hux’s head just the same, too real to be dreams.

Not all of them seemed to be happening as he experienced them. Some were at ungodly hours, in the night or the morning when, according to his reports, Kylo ought not have been awake. Clearly, the thoughts that came through the link were a mixture of memory and present experience. Perhaps, just perhaps, they were premonition.

Quite frankly, it was impossible to tell when one plunged as deeply into the Force as Kylo Ren.

* * *

The third night, Hux woke screaming, nearly incoherent with panic.

_Death. Cold, deep, unknown. Reaching into his mind and dragging him away, somewhere no one else could follow._

He was halfway into his coat before it even occurred to him that, technically, the _Illuminator_ was not his command.

He had his coat on and was halfway to the bridge by the time he remembered he was _Emperor_. He had control over every fleet in the Order.

“I want Yancett comming the Emperor, get him up here n…” High Admiral Khartica’s command stilled in her throat as she was clearly surprised at his appearance on the bridge. It was her ship. Technically. They’d struggled adapting to a system of command at first, but he’d bowed to her wishes. He would only ever command the bridge if she were incapacitated or there was something urgent that superseded all other command.

This, the Knights, Kylo, they absolutely took first priority. He fell back into the familiar role of command as he stepped onto the bridge, and an order was out before he could stop himself. “Someone get the Knights on a holo, I don’t know what’s going on but something’s going to go wrong.”

Khartica stepped in even as there was a rush to obey. “Sir, we’ve just received a report from Rhoantar. They had unanticipated forces, they arrived two days after the Knights. The Destroyers that were stationed within range are already on the scene, troops are being deployed as we speak. I would recommend a larger force, as the opposition had an additional five thousand troops arrive. They appear to be paid mercenaries, but that just means that some of them are highly experienced survivors. They’ll follow orders until they think they need to do otherwise to survive, and then they’ll fight dirty.”

“Prepare ships, I want three additional Destroyers in atmosphere, as soon as possible. The _Illuminator_ included.”

“Yes sir.” She nodded, a smile dancing about her eyes as she spun to face the bridge. “You heard him, let’s move!”

Preparations flew, time melting by as he paced. Hux walked the upper bridge, doing his best to remain a presence on the bridge without imposing on Khartica’s command. He knew from experience that younger officers in particular were more likely to make mistakes if they thought they were being observed. His presence was simply to apply a small amount of pressure, while allowing him to stay up to date on proceedings.

Travel operations took less than a quarter of an hour, and once they’d made the jump to lightspeed, Khartica took a moment to breathe. Her face was flushed ever so slightly with exhilaration, and he could see the thrill that ran through her at imminent combat.

“Operation is in effect, sir. We should be there before the next standard shift starts.” She stood next to him, shoulders comfortably squared. “Hux?”

From anyone but one of the other High Admirals it would have been disgustingly disrespectful. From her, it was simply familiar. “Yes?”

Khartica looked at him, her eyes narrowing. “How did you know?”

“What?”

“How did you know before I’d even had a comm sent?”

And that was the question, wasn’t it? There was no real justification behind why he’d flung himself from bed and dragged a uniform on, yet here he was, on the bridge at the very heart of an operation. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.” There was something a bit like humor in her expression, although it was mostly drowned by worry.

“…the Force.” He felt like an idiot saying it, but there was little else to be done.

“Since when do you have access to the Force?”

“I don’t, but Ren certainly does.”

“So he…what, sent you a vision?”

Hux sighed, feeling out of his element. “Something like that.”

“Hm. Well. Whatever it was, it was correct. Your timing was impeccable, as always.” She was quiet for several minutes before she spoke again. “You’re worried about him.”

He nodded slightly, enough to indicate that she was correct but not enough to tell just how worried he was. “You should know…I don’t know that we’ll get there in time. I’m not sure what they’ve gotten themselves into, but I have a bad feeling about it.”

“Then we fight. Come on, who do you think you’re talking to? That’s what I’m here for. Besides,” she grinned, “as much as it’s a huge honor and all to command the Illuminator as your flagship, it was getting a bit boring being so out of the action.”

* * *

When they entered atmosphere, they were able to get overall visuals with relative ease, piggybacking off of the visuals of the first fleet had been drawing.

Even the initial tags that came up on the screen with the squadron tags didn’t bode well. Hux’s gut seized with something that absolutely was not fear. The Rhoantari were clearly overwhelming their troops, and even among the stark white of the Stormtroopers, the Knights of Ren were nowhere to be found.

“All eyes out for the Knights,” he commanded, disguising the tension in his voice, “I want eyes on them, all of them.”

An alert came up for a trio of the Knights, none of which were Kylo Ren. They seemed to be holding their own well enough, although Hux felt the tension in his chest grow as he noted that the faction had been split.

It was only moments before one of the squadrons paged in with another location and verbal observation. “I’ve got two of them, they’re pinned down at…” she rattled off coordinates smoothly, and Hux didn’t even have to give the order for them to be input and for a full squadron to be on the way.

They could see them amid the grey-clad Rhoantari. Even without the saber clear on the visual, Hux knew it was him. He could feel the sick electric trill that seemed to settle in his skin when Kylo was in-range.

“I want troops on the ground, now! Get an order out, get them out of there.”

“Belay that!” The order came from Khartica, standing just behind him. “We received an order from them, do _not_ interfere!”

Hux spun on her, rage rising as he turned. “How dare…”

“Sir, according to our fleet, the Knights have sent orders for no additional interference, direct from Lord Ren himself.”

“They’re clearly overwhelmed, they need…”

She grabbed his arm as he moved toward her. “You once told us to trust him. I’m going to tell you what you told us. Trust him.” Her voice was low, private. The only officers that could have possibly heard her were the two lieutenants at the stations nearest to them. He felt rattled by adrenaline that wasn’t his own. Khartica’s grip was a steady point. She looked at him as he fell still. “Trust him.”

The space of a breath passed. Another breath. He found his feet and steadied. Corrected. “Belay my former order, Khartica has the right of it.”

The tension on the bridge eased off, leaving the uneasy static prickling Hux could feel behind. He watched the holofeed with a pit of anxiety in his stomach, hating everything about the delegation of power.

The irony wasn’t lost on him. The most powerful man in the galaxy by position and yet he felt helpless.

He kept the closest tabs he could on Kylo, but even with multiple feeds it was difficult to keep track of him.

He fought the urge to hunt down the nearest armory and find a weapon, preferably an Ion XVI-Sharpshooter, still an old favorite, and get down closer to the field, where he could at the very least pick Kylo’s attackers off from a distance. Instead, he clenched his fists and focused on Kylo, trying to get a read on him.

After several minutes of focused concentration, Kylo looked up at the sky, the silver lining of his mask catching the remainder of the burning light. Hux could feel a moment of recognition through the link, then a familiar feeling of greeting.

 _Allow us to send you reinforcements,_ he thought as hard as he could. _You need to get out._

 _Reinforcements won’t be enough to bolster our forces, we need a break in their lines,_ Kylo’s voice rang in his head. _That would make it possible for us to…_

The smaller Knight at his side dropped, downed by a blaster bolt to the chest. Kylo spun and the world seemed to fall to pieces in slow motion. Hux felt the electrical frission that hummed under his skin exploded to life, sending him to one knee, clutching at the console in front of him and choking on air that wouldn’t pull into his lungs. His eyes clenched shut and he could hear Kylo screaming, even though there was no possible way he could actually hear him.

Hux’s eyes were closed, but he could see the Rhoantari that had fired the shot in front of him, as if through Kylo’s eyes, its pulse throbbing in its throat, alive _alive alive alive._ And everything wrong in the world was the fact that the being in front of him was alive and she was gone. His vision splintered bloody red and Kylo gave in to the pull of the Force.

There was a groan of metal under Hux’s hand as the console warped in his grip. His vision threatened to white out and the screaming threatened to deafen him.

“Sir!” A Lieutenant he didn’t recognize helped him to his feet and called for medical, but he waved it off. He dragged a breath in, clearing his throat and feeling the grit of ash in his mouth. “Give him cover, find the others and extract them. Now.”

Khartica eyed him up, then quietly said, “The Force?”

“Fuck the Force,” he snapped. “If this is what it does, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“I don’t know that you have a choice.” He watched the holofeed with Khartica, who stared at it with something between horror and admiration etching her face. “Stars.”

“Can we get someone in there to get them out?”

“Right now he poses too great a threat to our own troops, and to be honest, he looks like he’s handling everything just fine.”

“He’s not....”

“Sir, he Lord Ren is not in immediate danger from others. If anything, I’d say he’s more of a danger to himself or our people.” Her voice had an odd pitch to it. “Unless you go so far as to order me to send my troops in there with the express purpose of dying at Lord Ren’s hands, I am advocating for a delayed response.” Hux went quiet, and she continued. “We wait until he’s burned himself out, or when he starts to show signs of fatigue. Then we move in. Until then, we will prepare troopers, but any we send to aid him at this point in time are simply additional targets.”

He took a breath to slow himself and nodded. “As you say, Khartica.”

“All troopers, stand clear of Lord Ren. He’s out of our control.” She relayed a series of orders and with little other choice they settled in to watch. The Force crackled in the air as Ren froze blaster bolts and flung them back at their origins, deflected them with his saber, and cut down all around him with no distinction between friend and foe.

They watched the bloodbath in silence.

* * *

When the shuttle landed, Hux moved out onto the field with several fresh groups of ‘troopers. Khartica had argued with him, but on this he wouldn’t budge. It was impossible to determine what sort of mental state Kylo would be in, and there wasn’t a person in the galaxy that could get him back in control like Hux.

He found Kylo on his knees, next to the body. His helmet had been flung in the churned mud and his hand was crusting over with brownish-red where he’d dipped in her blood and wiped it across his unscarred cheek. The other Knights joined him, slowly gathering around the fallen Knight and doing the same, dipping their gloved fingers and wiping a red smear across their faces or masks. Some seated themselves. Some rose to meet the shuttles as they arrived.

One of the Knights spoke to him quietly, and Kylo looked up, spotting Hux. He rose, moving toward him like a ballistic missile. For a moment Hux thought it best to get out of his way, before realizing he had to be slowed, stopped, before he inadvertently hurt someone. Kylo stopped dead inches from Hux and stared him down, eyes dark and distant, impossible to interpret.

“It’s alright.” The words left Hux’s lips before he’d determined if they were correct or not, but it didn’t really matter. Kylo’s hand rose and he reached for him, but he stopped, clenching his fingers and balling a fist at his side.

“It’s not.”

* * *

Upon landing the shuttle on the _Illuminator_ , Kylo disappeared with the rest of his Knights, bearing the body to their own facility, following their own rituals.

* * *

The knock on the door woke him the first time. At first, he thought he could ignore it, but it was urgent, and repeated enough to rouse him. Hux shrugged into a dressing gown and flicked the comm unit, finding a figure in dark robes and a helmet standing at the door. “Yes?”

“Sir, I apologize for the hour, but may I speak with you?” The voice seemed feminine, thickly accented and formal with rich rasping tones behind the consonants that hinted at xenobiology behind the helm.

He noted with distaste her omission of any official term of address. “Who are you?”

She reached up and a hiss accompanied the removal of her helm, a strange glossy thing, which she held up. She appeared as an older human woman. “Maruha Ren, a Knight of the Lord Protector.”

That explained why she’d ignored any and all appropriate forms of address. “Can it not wait for the morning?”

“No.”

He buzzed her in and met her near the door. “What brings you here at this hour of night?”

“The Lord Protector is not well.”

His chest tightened. Somehow, he’d expected as much, but to have one of the Knights come for help likely meant Kylo wouldn’t or couldn’t come to him. “Give me a moment as I dress. Brief me, if you would. It sounds as though time is of the essence.” He didn’t run, he wouldn’t do something so undignified, but he moved quickly, grabbing shirt, pants, and jacket from his closet before ducking behind a Coromandel screen to change.

“I am hoping you might be able to see to him for a time. There are few that can calm him, yet you do.” Her voice thickened as though she might cry for a moment, but she cleared her throat and banished the tone. “We take care of our own, but I have not seen him so…unhinged before. Often he helps me keep the others level, but we are all taking the loss…unwell. He takes it particularly hard.”

Hux buttoned his jacket and pulled his belt about himself as he came around the screen. “What’s going on?”

A second eyelid flicked down to clear her eyes and Hux adjusted his assessment of her. Not all human, then. Possibly some sort of half-breed, which wouldn’t be out of character for the Knights. They took whoever was good enough to survive in their ranks, human, alien, anything. She seemed nervous, although it was always a tiny bit tricky to tell with nonhumans. “We…I am not sure, sir. He isn’t speaking to anyone.”

She made eye contact as he pulled his shoes on and he had the gut feeling he was going to be in over his head. He straightened and took a deep breath. “Right. Where is he?”

“Last I knew, his quarters.”

“If you would escort me, I’ll take it from there.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet.”


	2. Chapter 2

It took next to no time to make their way to Kylo’s rooms and key them open. “Lord Ren?”

Silence.

The rooms smelled of Ren, although the more pleasant scent was overwhelmed by the smell of the battlefield, of blood and the singed reek of burned flesh and hair, the smell that had accompanied him back onto the ship. Hux’s skin prickled with the odd electrical feeling that seemed to hover in the air near Force users.

Ren had been here, Maruha Ren was correct. She hovered behind him near the door, her helm hooked to something over her shoulder. She looked about the room uncertainly, her eyes flicking back and forth at the slightest noise. Her hand hovered at her hip holster, although the weapon slung there looked like nothing Hux had ever seen. She seemed to relax a bit, declaring, “He is not here. But he was.”

“Then we need to find him.” He turned to leave and his skin continued to prickle. He stopped dead in his tracks as it finally dawned on him that they weren’t alone. Ren was here, he’d never left. The slumped figure in the corner was a curled lump of singed black robes

“Ren. What’s going on?”

Still silence.

He stepped closer, worry finally settling in his chest. Nearly a decade he’d known Kylo and they’d worked together, nearly a decade he’d been feeling the side effects of being in such close proximity to him, but he would never truly understand the strain the Force had on Kylo.

Whatever was happening, he’d slipped into a nonverbal state. Hux had seen this before, but each time was terrifying. The fear that wherever his mind had gone, it wouldn’t come back, not fully. Fear of losing Kylo, piece by piece. His mind had checked out, whatever he’d experienced through the Force too great to truly comprehend with ease.

It wasn’t the first time Hux had seen him like this, and it likely wouldn’t be the last. Still, Hux worried, as one would.

“How long has he been like this?”

“I don’t know. He was still standing when I last saw him.” She shivered. “His mind is…” she shook her hand, and Hux understood. He could feel the absence of Kylo’s usual proximal pressure on his own mind.

“I’ll take it from here.”

“Sir?”

“I can handle this. Take the time you need, take care of the others.”

She hesitated, but nodded slowly. “Yes, druhtinaz.” The last word seemed slippery, as though he’d misheard it, but he was certain he’d heard the title before. She slipped away like a ghost, closing the door behind her.

They’d done this before. He didn’t doubt they’d do it again. Hux had never feared him, not when it came to his own safety, but he feared what Kylo could do to himself. Before they’d figured out how to make this work, Kylo had done anything he could to pull himself back into himself when he started to dissociate. It’d left scars, both physical and emotional.

Now, Hux did everything in his power to try and help him, to ground Kylo when the pull of the Force was too strong an undertow. He’d never seen him quite this far gone, though.

He knelt on the floor next to Kylo and started from the beginning, trying to get a verbal response or some sort of acknowledgement.

“Kylo? Are you with me? Can you hear me?” His eyes moved a bit, not a verbal response but something. It was a start. “I’m going to try to help you. Alright? I’ll tell you what’s going on, if you can’t focus on…” he faltered, worried. This wasn’t how things were supposed to work, it wasn’t how the mind was supposed to function. Whatever was happening in Kylo’s mind had driven him into a shell and put his defenses up on high alert. He needed safety, warmth. Something he could come back to, without the threat of violence.

He left off where he was, standing and grabbing one of the blankets from Kylo’s bed. It was thick and heavy, and the weight of it was comforting. He draped it over Kylo’s shoulders where he could, where it would slide and cover him more if he moved away from the wall.

“We’re going to walk through things the way you taught me, alright? We’re going to get through this, together. I’m…here.” His voice slipped about, nearly cracking. Fuck. That wouldn’t do, he needed to be steady, something Kylo could hold on to. One breath. Two.

“Do you remember what you told me, Kylo? Counting things helps sometimes, you said counting down is sometimes enough. Let’s start with five. Five things you can feel.” He took his hand gently, letting his glove stay where it was, although he caught his own glove in his teeth and pulled it off.

“Can you feel me holding your hand? I’m not going to let go.” He considered trying to take Kylo’s gloves off to help ground him, but he also feared that the contact would be too much. “We’re going to stay like this for a bit, try to tell me if it’s too much.”

Instead of rejecting him, there was a small shake of Kylo’s head that he took to mean _not too much_. He gripped Hux’s hand tighter. It took a couple minutes, but his breathing slowly leveled out into full breaths.

“Can you count for me? We’ll take it slow. Five things you can feel.”

“Hand.” His response was quicker than Hux expected, though quiet. “Glove.”

“How are you doing with that? Do you want your glove off? Or keep it on?”

A small nod. “Off.”

He took one of Kylo’s hands, slowly, gently working the glove from it. The faint static in the air increased, and echoes of something reverberated across the link. Kylo winced but relaxed into his touch.

“Can you tell me any more things you can feel?”

“The floor.” The breath that Kylo took shook, wavering slightly. “My clothes.”

“You’re doing so well. So well.” It wasn’t false praise, but he could only hope Kylo could feel his sincerity. “One more.”

His face twisted a bit. A long minute passed. Then, “Belt.”

“Good. Four things now, four things you can see.”

Kylo closed his eyes a moment and took a breath, steadier than the last. He opened his eyes and stared down at his robes. His expression didn’t change, but he blinked slowly and observed, “Filth.”

“Would you be alright getting cleaned up? I’ll be there with you if you want. I can help.”

“Yes please.” Kylo looked up at him and for flash, Hux could see the child he’d been, too young and plunged too far into the deep end of the Force. Again he was struck by the sick irony of it. Kylo was likely the most powerful surviving Force user in the galaxy, and yet against something so strong, he could hardly hold his own.

“I’m going to let go of you, just for a second. I’ll come right back.” For moment Kylo’s grip tightened, as if he wouldn’t let go, but he did. Hux climbed to his feet and went to the ‘fresher, turning it on to warm water instead of sonic. They’d done this before. He knew what to do.

He came back to find Kylo hadn’t moved, although his breathing had leveled out and he seemed much more conscious of his surroundings. Hux crouched in front of him. “Ready to stand up?”

“Yes.” Kylo took his hand and let himself be led to the ‘fresher.

“You’re doing well. You’re doing so well. Let’s keep talking. I know you’re coming back, and it’s slow, but you’re doing great. Can I help you strip down so we can clean up?” Another small nod from Kylo. “While we’re doing this, can you give me three more things you can see?”

The tattered tunic came off with relative ease, although it was partially saturated with blood. “Walls.”

His boots came off with a sick wet sound, and Hux wiped the gore and filth away with the discarded tunic before continuing.

The deeper layers were soaked with a combination of blood and sweat. They peeled away more slowly, the outer layers a mess of viscera and gritty damp ash. The final layers stuck to him in places and cracked away in others where the blood had dried. “Keep going.”

“My clothes.”

“One more thing.”

He shrugged. “The fresher.” Hux steered him under the water, letting him take his time getting used to the sensation of the water. His hair flattened as it was saturated, sticking to his face in limp curls.

Hux stripped down quickly, trying not to leave Kylo under the water alone. Once he was under, he worked the water warmer by gradual degrees, easing Kylo into it and watching the grime and gore sluice away.

“Close your eyes.” Kylo did as he was told and Hux gently rubbed shampoo into his hair. He scrubbed gently, washing the ash and sweat from his hair and his scalp, making it as light as he could. Hux shifted his head under the water again and rinsed the soap away.

Kylo’s eyes opened and met his. “How are you doing?”

“A bit better,” Kylo said.

“Sit down and let me clean you up?”

That’s all there was to it. It wasn’t erotic in the slightest, nothing but Kylo handing control over and leaning on the ledge that was a part of the ‘fresher wall. Hux soaped up a washcloth and began scrubbing away the grime. He used a gentle soap and the soft side of the cloth to wipe away the flecks of mud and the smear of blood on the scarred side of his face. Kylo closed his eyes and let him wipe his face clean. The shadows under his eyes were darker than usual, a sickly purple that reminded Hux of bruises and spoke of missed sleep and stress.

He re-soaped the cloth and started washing again at Kylo’s neck, tackling the rime that had gathered at the edge of his collar, grit, mud, and blood that circled his neck as though someone had tried to slit his throat. Scrub, wipe his skin clean, rinse, repeat. Hux worked his way from head to toe, ending crouched on the floor to scrub Kylo’s feet.

After a thorough scrubbing, Hux stood up, ignoring the way his spine cracked and reminded him he was no longer a young man. He coaxed Kylo back under the water to rinse the soap away and scrub his back. That done, he wrapped one arm around Kylo’s body and let Kylo press himself into the embrace. After a time, his breathing matched up to Hux’s and the pulse in his right brachial artery steadied.

“Ready to get out?”

“Yes.”

It was almost easy to wrap him in a large towel. Hux ignored the chill that pricked across his skin as he dried Kylo’s legs and wrapped the towel more tightly about him. He grabbed another towel and wrapped it about himself before nudging Kylo back toward his room. Once dry, Hux went to dig out a pair of comfortable pants from the closet, but by the time he returned, Kylo had burrowed into the bed.

Hux put them on instead, resolving to change if Kylo needed him to leave. He sat down on the bed and lowered himself til he could see the handspan worth of Kylo’s face that was free of the duvet. “Do you want to go through and finish listing things?” Kylo nodded, the look in his eyes softer than before. “Things you can hear now. Do you remember what number we’re on?”

For a moment, Kylo closed his eyes. “Three.” The word was quiet.

“So three things you can hear.”

“Yes.” He took a slow breath, steadier than the last, pushing the blanket back just a bit. “Dripping water,” he finally said, blinking at Hux with eyes that had come back from whatever place they went. “In the ‘fresher.”

“Good. How about another?”

“Breathing.”

“One more.”

“Your voice.”

“Good. Two things…”

“I can smell. The soap and the…sheets. Service droid must have changed them.”

“And…”

“One thing I can taste.” Kylo looked across at him, taking a steady breath. He pushed the blankets back enough to free an arm and then reached over to pull Hux close, his arm tightening about his ribs and his face settling in the crook of Hux’s bare neck. It wasn’t quite a kiss, more like Kylo was tasting his skin, but it was close enough.

Almost a quarter of an hour passed before Kylo’s grip loosened and he curled back into the blankets. He looked younger than he was, bundled up for security and warmth. “How are you?” Hux asked.

Kylo took a slow breath. “Tired.”

“You should sleep.”

“Stay with me.” It wasn’t a question, wasn’t a request.

“I will.”

_Don’t let go._

Hux held him, running his fingers through his hair in a way he knew Kylo found soothing.

_I won’t._

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, concerns, and comments always welcome


End file.
